What I Frankly Realized That My Eyes Do Not Store Tears

what-i-frankly-realized-that-my-eyes-do-not-store-tears

Yeah Ramadan this year is different…

I was really tired the month before Ramadan. My soul has declared the state of emergency since my spiritual reservoir was dramatically draining. I said to myself…Okay Lina, WAIT… WAIT … All your problems… All your problems will be fixed during Ramadan.

Waiting for Ramadan month was my mania. Since January, I was calculating the day… I mean the first day for fasting. How many days are left?! Oh my dear month come quickly!

All of us every year encountered a serial of problems that shot us forming hollow gaps in our hearts.

What we gain are heavy hearts full of sadness, concerns and worries.

All of us every year wore the same shaggy souls, secondhand souls worn by the Old You.

And what we gain are rough, harsh and coarse souls.

Without a cure for the soul and for the heart, we will definitely be distorted people.

Ramadan was the purification month for the corruption that pervade both my entire heart and soul. Ramadan was my definition for tranquility and tolerance. It was… Ramadan was… 

BUT… What happened to me?!

Actually I don’t know…

When people around me said there’s no excuse for you to say: you are tired. OH people… I am not trying even to say I am tired because of fasting. I feel that I am just like the person who fast and gets nothing from the fast but hunger. A person who pray at night but gets nothing from the prayer but sleeplessness.

My final exams were in the first four days of Ramadan. I was fasting during those days. I was reminding myself that I will gain calmness after finishing my exams although the mood of exams was dominant. This daily encouragement was like a notification message that pops up in front of my eyes: After your exams you will revive.

After my final exams….

No bright or rosy news.

I don’t feel the previous feelings of fasting, praying and reading Quran. What’s happening to me?! I go to the masjid for Taraweeh(Night Prayer) but I will be such a sleepy person who stands to pray then will fall on the floor at any time. Luckily, the two women beside me are like prison guards who won’t let me even bow.

Am I weak? What happened to me?

Last year; The previous Ramadan. With the help of Allah, I was so strong person. I was taking -at summer semester- two most complex courses at my major. After Suhour, I pray Fajir then begin studying, go to the university at 8:00am and return back to home at 2:00pm. Of course so tired however so ambitious.

One lonely hour to sleep was my great drug. Again, studying and waiting for Maghrib to eat Futoor. I was extremely happy those days. Going to Taraweeh then return back and sleep at 11:30pm. Wake up to Suhoor at 3:00 am… whooh…. Sleeping nearly four hours every day during this whole month. Yeah my colleagues and my friends said that I am crazy yet I was happy doing all that study-stuff during Ramadan.

This year I didn’t take summer semester in order to spend this month for strengthening my relationship with my creator. What I frankly realized that my eyes don’t store tears…

 


30 thoughts on “What I Frankly Realized That My Eyes Do Not Store Tears

  1. Material Progress Alone Cannot Bring Satisfaction  

    Jesus said, ‘Man cannot live by bread alone’. Here, bread means material progress. Man has two aspects to his personality – physical and spiritual. No matter how much progress one achieves at the material level, one continues to experience dissatisfaction. This is because, despite the material progress, one continues to lead a life of spiritual starvation. Man must feed both sides of his personality in order to achieve satisfaction. 

    Ps: Women are implied

      1. There’ll be days in which you’ll thank God that not all your prayers were answered.

        Sabr is more than patience. Sabr is the strength of your soul. It teaches you not to break when you’ve been bent.

  2. Assalaamu alaikum, this is sad. But yes, sabr and shukr. And increased nutrients in your food – honey, oats, green leafy vegetables. And handing it all over to Allah swt.

    1. waalykum assalam Sister… Welcome to my blog 🙂
      That’s right Sabr and Shukr are the right way to overcome any obstacles and difficulties in life. Recently I don’t really care about my food and that’s increased through Ramadan.
      Thanks for your advice Sister. May Allah grant us Maghfira.
      By the way…your cooking looks very delicious

      1. An Imam was selling his horse in the market. An interested buyer came to him and requested if he could get a test drive. The Imam told the man that this horse is unique. In order to make it walk, you have to say Subhanallah. To make it run, you have to say Alhamdulillah and to make it stop, you have to say Allahu Akbar. The man sat on the horse and said Subhanallah. The horse started to walk. Then he said Alhamdulillah and it started to run. He kept saying Alhamdulillah and the horse started running faster and faster. All of a sudden the man noticed that the horse is running towards the edge of the hill that he was riding on. Being overly fearful, he forgot how to stop the horse. He kept saying all these words out of confusion. When the horse was just near the edge, he remembered Allahu Akbar and said it out loud. The horse stopped just one step away from the edge. The man took a deep breath, looked up towards the sky and said Alhamdulillah! 

      2. Sometimes what we most need to do at that given moment is unknown since we forget the invisible connection that makes us so near to our Creator.

  3. Hi Lina, as an earlier teacher, I have seen many people, both kids and adults, who were not able to do anything about learning, because of their fast. My experience tell me, that food and water are necessary for all to be able to learn and work hard in different ways. Our brain don’t function, while not feeded regular over the day.
    I hope, that you will find your way to feel good again.
    Irene

  4. An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah “Allah be praised” to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!” Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer” Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!” The atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, “Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!.” The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.” The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, “ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH”. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!” 

  5. Ma sha Allah This year, I kinda resigned from my job to feel spiritually alive in general and use fasting in Ramadan as a spiritual fuel, only to find it non functional. Had a bad start to the month as well.

    1. Ohhhhhhhh
      Welcome brother Kashif to my blog😃
      I don’t know what’s the wrong with this year. And as long as we can’t blame years but ourselves. I was helpless to figure out why I have encountered bad feelings this Ramadan.
      After days and days, I was reading Imam Nawawi’s forty hadith and stopped by a very long hadith that says the following:
      …..O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you…..
      So I think sometimes we depend on our own strengths not the strengths that is given from Allah SWT. We expect that since we have a plenty of free time, we can fast and pray in the most prefect way. And forget that fact that Allah is the One who really guide us to do the good deeds.
      O, Allah, make us of those who return to You in repentance 😃
      🍬🍬Eid Mubarak brother🍬🍬
      Salam from Palestine

  6. Ramadan is the month where you should build good habits and delete the bad ones, it’s not only the month of prayer and building connection with Allah but the month to start a new better life, you should never limit your prayer and your soul revival to this month you can pray and build better connection with your God anytime during the year, no need for you to wait till this month to revive your soul, it’s okay if your still not feeling well or completely revived after this month, it’s just the beginning continue praying until you take your soul to higher level.

    1. Oh Naaadoooosh my dear friend who finally read something at my blog hehehehehehe I am joking 😉😉😉😉
      Okay my friend yeah Ramadan is not just the month of praying
      But you know what a great bad habits I’ve gained mashallah this month.
      Thanks O dear for your advice
      May Allah bless you

      1. you know I’m one of your fans of course i read everything you write :p and we can change any habit you don’t like even after Ramadan 😉
        Eid Mubark 😀

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